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[Dec 25th 12:37pm] |
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bahhhhhhg. its christmas day & i hate this computer thank god we got a new one that will be hooked up soon. i hope? blah my aim isnt working, gay if you ask me! but hey w|e. just felt like updating to say MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
<3 nic
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[Dec 13th 9:44pm] |
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music |
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taking back sunday |
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i`ve come to realize this; niether you or i are really making the effort we promised each other. since that "arguement".. things seem to have gotten worse,thats my point of view anyway. i`m starting to get annoyed though. when i do say something to you.. i get an attitude or a nasty look & all im tyring to do is have a conversation. when i try to make conversation.. you just kind of brush me off and it ends up being stupid small talk. i know things may not be that great between us.. but we are supposed to be the best of friends & share our life stories with one another. i`ll admit to it, i do talk alot about my boyfriend.. but its hard not to, i don`t realize it, i`ll try harder though. i know i don`t have alot of time for many things.. but come on.. do you? you`re constantly working or you`re tired or you have homework to do when i do try to make plans with you. and yes.. when you try to make plans with me.. i`m either working or have dance or kickline or i am hanging out with pj. maybe its me though. maybe im too judgemental. maybe its all in my head, i hope its all in my head.. but i really don`t think it is. lets look at it this way.. we said we were going to try, but lets be honest we haven`t. this seems harsh.. i know we have the label as best friends.. but right now, i feel that label doesn`t apply. its like i hardly know you anymore.. it sucks because i do miss you.. alot. not now at least. i hope we can redeem it and fix things, because honestly you are one of my best. i really do love you alot even if you.. hate me or are mad at me or don`t wan`t to associate with me anymore.. thats fine i guess. i respect you and your choices..
<33
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[Nov 30th 8:51pm] |
im feeling the need for a new cool icon. anyone in the mood to make me one?
anything is fine.. something that matches my colors.. the black hot pink & white.. maybe some checkers on it too somewhere.. who knows. yeah.
<333.
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[Nov 19th 3:12pm] |
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i decided im deleting a couple of entries.. b|c they are lame and un needed stupid information. i think im starting to grow up & im starting to understand life more & more.. and i dont need those entries to remind me of how young and naive i was only a couple of months to about a year ago.
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[Nov 17th 9:00pm] |
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i think its time for another update. im feeling mixed emotions and i need to get it out in the open.
at night, before i go to sleep, i think about life and what will become of the friendships i have and the friendships that are going to develop through out highschool. I think about how i want forever to last with me and pj. so many things run through my mind its kind of weird. i dont know where all this comes from.. it just kind of shows up. sometimes i hate growing up b|c i hate having to let go of things you love and just be in a standstill for all the rest of time, but then.. there are times where i wouldnt have life any other way & i just cant wait to get older and see the world for what it truly is. I mean think about it. Im 15 years old.. i like to think to know what life is like.. but honestly? do i really have a clue at all? these 4 years of high school and college are supposed to prepare you for the life your about to live once you get out into the "real world".. but how. Its not like were going to be in school forever. School is just like.. a cage.. were made to do thinsg we dont want to do in school.. i mean i guess thats what you have to do when you work too.. but not necessarily.. you can be doing something you love too. School doesnt exactly teach you how to get a job, which is really what you need to survive.. unless you plan on being a bum. Everyone needs a push and a shove somewhere along the line to get them moving and get them going.. but not everyone has someone to get them moving on their way. what do you think those people are gonna do, because i know i would be scared out of my pants of the world if i didnt have my family to get me going. Im afraid to die. Im afriad to leave levittown once i graduate.. i never realized.. how much i am truly afraid of. I never thought i had fears.. weird. I think about when i was little and how easy it was too.. everything was done for you, but then i think about how when i was little i couldnt wait to grow up. to be the age i am now.. and now that i am here i realized its nothing special. its just like the rest of my life. except with more perception and understanding of how painful.. or hurtful.. or perfect or wonderful everything can be. i feel like i know what im talking about.. but i dont think many people will understand this entry.. but thats life i guess.. not everything you say or do will always make sense.
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